R and R

I have just recently begun to dip a toe into this practice I have started as The Intuitive Friend.  First off, I cannot begin to express how truly blessed I feel to get to do this work out in the “real world”, or as Bluey would say, “for real life!”.  It really does leave me feeling energized and feeling like I’m living a dream come true. I also get a front row seat to see how a little R and R affects the modern human.

A funny thing happens when you give people the space and time to rest and recover from the real world.  They begin to notice how much they missed it.  Just sitting and breathing for a few minutes and suddenly you can witness shoulders relaxing and jaws unclenching.  After providing a few quiet minutes for self reflection, you can see excitement about revisiting parts of ourselves we forgot existed.  And allowing just 15-20 minutes of getting to do absolutely nothing but resting and relaxing while turning off our brain leaves people remembering a sense of calm and peace they may not have felt in a very long time.

It all sounds quite simple and low effort.  However, if that is the case, why don’t we give ourselves that gift on a regular or even daily basis?

I have a hunch it has to do with some very early conditioning into this hustle culture that we call life.  “If you have time to lean, you have time to clean!”,  “When you are done with that, there is a list of must do’s and may do’s to complete.”, “How can you just sit there when there is still so much that needs to be done?”  

We have become so overwhelmed with a life that seemingly demands so much from us, that when we do finally find a moment to ourselves, we either feel guilty about it and make a running list of what we “should be doing” instead, or zone out binge watching television or doom scrolling on our phones to numb out the voice in the back of our heads shaming us for sitting, or just to feel something other than our own emotions.

Now I’m not here to argue that life doesn’t have its share of responsibilities and duties.  (Or that television and social media don't have a place in it, I'm a fan in moderation.) I too am a wife, mother, oldest daughter, big sister, teacher, friend, and pet steward…I’ve been “such a big helper” since I was three.  I kind of made getting shit done with style and grace my lifestyle for the majority of my life.  And even though I have developed some major slowing down skills, I also still have a lot of responsibilities on top of making sure the fridge is stocked with healthy foods, my plants and garden are well cared for, everyone gets to their appointments on time, and the birthday gifts and holidays are taken care of.

The thing I am getting on my soap box for today though is finding balance and prioritizing that whole “must do, may do” list.  If we are so quick to get “things done” and put our “stuff to do” first, then shouldn’t that list start with doing something for ourselves???

There is a reason airplane attendants (or that prerecorded voice) remind us every single time we go up in the air to put on our own oxygen mask first. Not only is it a safety issue about having enough oxygen to help take care of others, should they need us, but also if we don’t prioritize ourselves, then we are inherently sending a message that no one else has to either.

There is a ton of messaging already out in the ethers about loving yourself before you can love others.  The reason these are all so popular, just like famous proverbs and a good old wives tale, is because there is truth in it.  You can have the most amazing family, you can share words of love with each other regularly, but if you aren’t modeling valuing yourself, then they don’t realize how or even to do that for you as well.

Having the ability to wake up in the morning and do something for yourself before anyone else sets the tone for your whole day.  Coffee and a half hour with a good book…washing the dishes along with your favorite jams playing…20 minutes breathing outside on the porch with the birds…or hitting the snooze button to go back to that amazing dream you were having are all valid.  Not a morning person, find some time in the afternoon to go on a walk without a podcast, play a quick game, have a refreshing beverage you can sip slowly.   

Finding just 30 minutes for yourself to be scheduled into your day can make a huge difference.  No matter what is going on in my day or week, I have started creating non-negotiables.  I am not a morning person, so 30 minutes in bed with the dogs and my Wordle before I have to perform for the world makes a big difference in how I communicate with others for the rest of the day.  If I’m cleaning the house, then my playlist is loud and proud (I don’t do earbuds).  Fridays are for self-care, longer showers with pampered body parts tells my body I value it and want to take care of it, and in return it takes care of me.

The funny thing is that by prioritizing just these few things has sent the message to my family that I’m important too.  My husband doesn’t judge those extra minutes in bed, he tiptoes out into the kitchen to give me space.  My kids don’t get mad at the music, they become grateful for a happy mom and a clean house.  And my self care routine creates sacred space to hold myself in high esteem, and then my other actions follow suit and my self esteem reaps the rewards. 

Everything important still gets done, everyone else in my world still gets love and support…but now I do too.  That's a feeling you can’t download or ask AI to take care of for you.  So if you love puttering in the garage, give yourself time to putter…if baking makes you feel more you than anything else, bake just because…and if 20 minutes coloring after dinner helps your mind shut down long enough to remember you had one, color away!!!  No one deserves it more than YOU! ♥️