For the Greater Good

I have a saying that brings me much comfort.  I often return to it when life, as they say, “hands you lemons”.  It is the adage, “life is always happening for us, not to us”.   I would love to say that I have had it in my back pocket for most of my life preventing me from the "victim mentality” that tends to make us lash out with “why me”, or “what did I do to deserve this” statements, but that would be a lie.   

Somewhere in my journey of life, handing me many chances to learn many lessons, I started to soften to the idea that maybe the things that come up as obstacles or challenges were really just opportunities for growth and change.  This didn’t happen overnight or even during some of the thornier moments of duress.  It occurred as a result of having walked through those periods and either stepping up into them or somehow getting through them and realizing in hindsight that time after time, each battle brought me to something better on the other side.

Everything from the circumstances that we are born into to the random acts of annoyance that can pop into our days are now seen as insights to me becoming the best version of me in the world at this time.  I am not always proud of who I was at certain moments in my life or how I have handled every circumstance, but instead of beating myself up or blaming some outside force, I have become better (not perfect) at giving myself grace for learning and growing into the next version of me and trying to do better in the next situation.

As a recovering chronic over-thinker, it has been especially challenging to be nicer to the older version of me who was honestly doing the best she could at the moment, but hadn’t grown or learned what the newer version had, yet!  When the replay of past events seep into my head, especially in those evenings of quiet insomnia, it is a very mindful choice I have to make to send love to that younger version of me and then try and find peace to let it go and move on from it.  We are usually the worst critics of our lives and if I’m brutally honest with myself, I remember that most people aren’t thinking about me at all because they are too worried about their own lives.  As one should.

One of the ways I have really embraced moving towards self forgiveness as well as forgiveness for others is through the Ho'oponopono mantra.  It’s a very simple but very old Hawaiian prayer some have dubbed “The Miracle Prayer”.  It is used mostly for self-forgiveness, but is also a beautiful method for healing any relationship.  

Simply repeating the words “I’m Sorry.  Please Forgive Me.  Thank You.  I Love You.”,  in any order, although this version is my personal favorite, has a magical power capable of transmuting any negative feelings you are having towards yourself, another person, or even a situation and replacing it with peace.  It may have something to do with the fact that it is generally practiced with your hands over your heart that gives it the energy of loving kindness.  It could also be that you are using words of repentance, forgiveness, gratitude, and love, all powerful transpersonal tools separately but together acting like a super turbo booster.

I have repeatedly gone back to this method when I want to heal old wounds or try and get over some nagging hurt that has its choke hold on me.  I simply sit somewhere, preferable outside or in a quiet meditation space, place my hands over my heart and close my eyes while thinking of a person, situation, or even my younger self (possibly from earlier that day) and repeat the Ho’oponopono’s words with reverence over and over until I feel my heart soften and eventually release whatever feelings it was holding and replaces with loving kindness.

Being able to release and heal relationships that others may not even know were wounded in the first place makes my inner non-confrontational spirit very happy and is just an added bonus to the lightness and love that come with this practice.  It does no good to always tell everyone what you think or feel about every situation or emotion you are having, especially when they were just doing the best they could in each moment and interaction.  

A wise high school history teacher once told my class to write this down in bold highlight as young impressionable teenagers, “It’s none of your business what other people think about you!”.  Not only do I understand that more and more as I get older, I also see it in print more and more too.  He was teaching us in our most vulnerable ego moment of life what yogis and sages have been modeling for us for centuries.  It’s just a shame that our vulnerable egos were still too young to grasp the concept.

By tapping into all of these tools in my arsenal, it makes weeks like this or even times like we are currently living in more bearable and even hopeful if you are so inclined to believe.  Sometimes in life, things have to get messy before you can clean away the clutter and cleanse yourself of what no longer serves a purpose.  I have faith that whatever is going on right now is here for our greater good and I wish us all loving kindness and peace on our hearts as we get through this and on to the other side.