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Last night I had the most beautiful encounter at our local grocery store. The gentleman in the next line over from us had a few toys for Christmas in his hands and we let him in front of our full cart. As he was ringing out I mentioned that he was a very smart shopper, mostly because he picked the quietest store open on a busy Saturday evening in December but also because he had gotten some lucky child a Bluey action figure set and a Barbie. Even though I hadn’t told him my reasons he cashed out with a big smile.
Then as my husband began bagging our groceries and I prepared to pay for our goodies our sweet cashier began telling me the most precious story of how when she was young her grandmother got her the simplest gift one year and how she still thinks about it to this day fondly. It was just a little basket, but it was filled with all of her favorite little things. She was smiling as she explained how much that gift meant to her and how it left such an impression. She went on to tell me about a similar basket she made for her son the year he got his driver’s license and how she lovingly filled it and thought of her grandmother as she did so. In fact it was so special that she still thinks of it often even though several decades have passed.
While she shared her precious story with me, I smiled and said simply that it must have felt so special to be so seen and feel so known. She enthusiastically smiled and said, “Exactly! That’s exactly it!”. As she giddily finished up our interaction so the next customer could have their turn and we wished each other a very blessed holiday, I couldn’t help but think what a special moment I just got to share with this lovely stranger.
It was so impactful that it crept in and lightened my heart while I was vacuuming the next day and was thinking about how the most basic need of all of us is to feel that kind of love. The kind that really sees you, pays attention, and makes an effort. I get that feeling when my daughter insists on filling my stocking with things I enjoy so it won’t sit lonely on the mantle next to the ones I lovingly fill for everyone else. I feel it when my husband comes home with a warm beverage I didn’t ask for on his way home from work. I feel it when my son sends me a funny GIF that he knows only I would get because it entails a private joke. It comes when my parents and sisters find some gift that they saw and thought would be perfect for me or when a friend remembers some little thing you mentioned once, in passing. There are so many ways we can be shown love or feel seen in this big beautiful life we live.
On the flip side though, I can attest to having times where you feel like no one seems to notice or care. Moms especially tend to become the unsung hero in many families, if it weren’t true there wouldn’t be so many memes of Dad’s looking surprised at their kid’s gifts on Christmas morning or Instagram posts about the effects of mental load on relationships. The SNL sketch about Mom getting a robe for Christmas hits for a reason.
Whether or not you are a parent/partner/caregiver that sometimes feels like they are carrying a heavier load, a teacher that is working hard without any kind words, working a job where you do most of the work but don’t seem to get noticed, the friend that finds out about plans they weren’t invited to, or just plain overwhelmed with feeling alone in the world…I assure you that you are not.
There are seasons in this life that we go through that are filled with joy and outpourings of love, and there are others where we can tend to feel unseen, looked over, or taken for granted. They all show us something. Usually what we feel reflects what we put our attention towards. If we look at the things that are missing or feel unbalanced then that is what we get to see more of. That just means that if you choose to look for love or kindness then you start to see more of that instead.
I am learning that this can be a tricky muscle to exercise for a lot of people. What might seem easy to those with practice or were taught to look on the bright side can be down right difficult for many. Choosing to be grateful for something as simple as a warm cup of coffee is a good place to start though. I challenge you to name five blessings around you right now, in this moment. It can be anything from the electricity working to keep you warm to the ability to be able to even read this post. If five is too hard at first, aim for three and work your way up. The more you practice the easier it gets.
When I first started to write this today, I thought about all the gifts I lovingly picked out for my family each year and how sometimes the returned thoughts weren’t always as obvious. But as I sat down and started typing, it was hard to ignore the love I have received from others in my life and the list of ways I feel loved kept growing until I couldn’t ignore the fact that I have been blessed with many of my own baskets of love more times than I could count. Maybe it’s because I have gotten good at gratitude journaling, or maybe it’s because I’m not as unseen as I sometimes thought I was. Either way, they are both blessings. (Along with the humility of knowing that sometimes the baskets I gave others might not have hit the mark either 😬).
One thing I have added to my repertoire is remembering myself in the equation. Sometimes that means adding a couple of gifts that I know I would like for myself into the cart when I’m shopping, and sometimes that means making my favorite meal for dinner without asking anyone else what they feel like first. All I know is that once you start filling your own basket with love, the easier it becomes to accept baskets from others with love.
Whatever your situation is today, remember to see the blessings around…they are there if you know where to look. And if you don’t have someone to fill a basket with goodies for you this holiday season, make one for yourself and fill it with all the special little things you love from the person who knows you best in this world. You deserve it!
Wishing you a very blessed holiday season. Thank you for adding your light to the world. I love you! Amie