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I’ve been thinking about what I want to do with the next chapter of my life ever since I knew in my core that I was done with traditional classroom teaching over 5 years ago. The question seemed so big and I was so desperate that I was at a point where anything could be the answer. I just knew it had to be something authentic to me.
At first, I waited for something to come along for me. Everyday when I drove to school while willing myself not to go and quit on the spot, I would wonder what I would like to do instead. All that left me was a list of a lot of things I didn’t want to do and the feeling that I was letting myself down by continuing to make myself go to this job that was causing me so much distress. So I spent the next 9 months “wintering”, a form of hibernation where one shuts down and watches mindless television and just goes through the motions until you are ready to look for spring. I would meditate and ask over and over what was next. All I could hear for what felt like forever was, “be still and wait”.
That summer I waited for some miraculous job offer to drop from the sky. When no job presented itself (big surprise), I went back to the classroom for another year with tears stinging the back of my eyes and heaviness on my heart. I did, however, incorporate a new prayer while sitting in my car before I would walk into work, “Let me be the person you need me to be for someone today”. That small sense of purpose allowed for me to walk in the door a little more ready for the day.
Sometime around November I began to hear a new answer to my meditation question, “Soon, it is coming soon!”. I began to have a little hope but I continued to “winter” right through the holidays. It wasn’t until mid January that I finally got tired of sitting and waiting for something to happen. I turned to my lovely husband, the devoted partner that sat with me on the couch, held me while I cried, and stopped into work at the end of the day with a coffee or tea to help me get ready for the next day by sharpening pencils, and I asked, “How can I get my mojo back?”. We then Googled it together. I’m going to blow by the more interesting answers on the interwebs that one could find and just tell you that we finally found a list of usable ideas with actionable activities and decided to go Geocaching.
After almost a year of sitting around sullen, things suddenly started moving much more quickly after just a couple of outings amongst the trees. I began watching TED talks about finding out what to do with your life and making lists about things that brought me joy as a child. I would listen to podcasts on the way into work on topics like, “What to Do When You Don’t Know What to Do” and “Drawing Light From the Darkness”. I began reading books that deeply resonated with me. I visited New Age shops and began gathering crystals, essential oils, and herbal remedies. I even attended a Wisdom Workshop put on by Edgar Cayce’s A.R.E. at the beginning of February 2020 about the shift into the age of Aquarius. It was there that I found an advertisement for Atlantic University and the courses they had available. It felt like the whole reason I was sitting in that room was to see that advertisement.
I had always been interested in New Age information and searching for answers to life’s big questions. The course work for the Spiritual Mentor Certificate program lit me up! Classes about meditation, finding your life’s purpose, creating a meaningful life, the power of intuition, and the holistic arts were right up my alley. Convincing my husband that this was a thing that I needed to do was the magical part. While I meditated in my backyard about this, I heard a booming “Amie Beth, I am SO PROUD OF YOU” as if it came from my soul. It didn’t take much from there for Chris to sign on and find a way for me to start classes that very Spring.
Now here is where the magic part really starts to set in. I kid you not, but the very next day was my last day in a “regular” classroom because we shut down for Covid. Now I know this period in time was chaotic and scary for many, but for me it was an answer to a long prayer. Although I was scared, as I live so far from my family and my husband and son were out there working in the unknown, my life was giving me space to breathe. In the beginning I would watch the news and become so saddened that I finally shut the television off. Then I started my meditation class and my days were full of learning breathing techniques, different types of meditations, and the art of mindfulness. I got to experience the beauty and wonder of Spring for the first time in ages. Because I worked in a large district, they prescribed much of the work for my students so there would be equity, it left my days mostly open to decluttering spaces and the transpersonal work I was assigned for my class.
I still was not sure what I was going to do with my certification once I completed my course work, but as I delved into more classes over the course of the next couple of years, I began relinquishing the rush to know. I took joy in teaching others meditation and mindfulness strategies through my practicum work. Even my family started to shift towards some of these practices I was introducing.
As we entered the 2020-2021 school year I felt called to loop up with my students to the next grade for consistency as we embarked on a new virtual learning experience. I, unlike many, enjoyed working at my dining room table and helping those kids learn to read and do more advanced math while we all learned how to zoom and I attempted to program lessons onto Canvas. I slept better, ate better, and completed my work day at a reasonable time. I learned the art of creating boundaries and putting myself first. I discovered self care while balancing school, work, family, and fun. We attempted to work from the building a few times but were quickly sent back home, to my delight.
In February teachers were officially called back into the building along with any students that wanted in person learning again. Most of my students were thriving online so I didn’t have many in person. However, my joy of being around the few that did had dwindled, especially with so many rules and restrictions around social distancing. Simultaneously having to teach virtually officially ruined the last shred of enjoyment I had left. Since I’d felt the pull to leave the classroom for what felt like such a long time and had recently discovered the freedom of living a more independent work life, I knew in my soul that this was my last year.
Even though the mortgage still needed to be paid and we had bills due regularly, I was determined to get out. As I let go of the need to figure out how to pay for this leap of faith and my attachments to life as we knew it, the possibility of starting over (again) didn’t sound so scary. But life is funny when you release attachments. Instead of losing everything, an interesting thing happened, my husband came home from work on a random Tuesday, that same month, saying he was given the opportunity to work 8 hours away, for possibly a year, but with an increase in pay. At first, he laughed off the opportunity knowing what it would mean for our family, even though I could see he was excited about it. Normally I would have blown it off as well, just thinking about how hard it would be for us to be apart that long, but in the back of my mind I heard, “This is the Way!”. Well, I’m guessing my whole family got that message too because, even though we knew it would be difficult, we all saw it was a unique opportunity. I will forever be grateful for the amusing way the universe works on our behalf, but mostly to my amazing husband who made an incredible sacrifice for our future.
As he left for this new adventurous chapter, I was beginning to take a course for my certification on creating a meaningful life. While we traveled back and forth to visit each other we discovered a deeper love for traveling to new places, especially places in nature. So much so that on my very last teaching day, the second I got home, the kids and I set off on a week-long camping trip just outside of where he was working and we chilled out in nature. Mostly though, I just sat and remembered how to breathe properly.
I was finally free to do whatever I wanted next with my life but I still didn’t know what that was and I really didn’t have a chance to care. I spent that summer taking care of my family and home while navigating as many weekend trips home for Chris as possible and going on a road trip with my friend for her 50th birthday. (And yes, we stopped and visited Chris along our path through the northeastern states and their beautiful mountains, streams, and forests.)
In the fall, Chris was offered a trial position as a foreman back home, and his time away was suddenly over. This new adventure brought long hours and a lot of stress for my dear husband. I witnessed first hand what it looks like to get the job you think you always wanted and it not really being what you wanted at all. Meanwhile, I held down the fort and supported him through his dark period by being his shoulder for when he needed to vent.
After he let go of the idea of being a foreman, he discovered a job opening for an inspector at his company (again with the sweet power of release). He got the job and ended up loving it, but I am convinced he would not have thought about this area of work without trying on his wrong fit first. That summer I finished up my coursework and led a workshop for my practicum on finding your mission in life. I enjoyed the camaraderie of the workshop and the joy of women empowering each other to believe in themselves. Still unsure if that was my work, I did discover my passion for “Nurturing Authenticity”.
After my certification arrived, I was still lost as to what to do with it, aside from some little inklings that would appear from time to time. My life was never boring though, and I stayed busy, even as I spent that time laid up with a broken foot, trying to learn to rest and heal both physically and mentally.
After surgery and some more nature adventures I got the nudge that it was time to start doing something. I heard from my guides, “Do not worry, we will go slow and help you each step of the way”. Would you believe the very next week while I was listening to my favorite podcast, it was oddly interrupted with an ad for a week-long free workshop on online entrepreneurship, exactly what my inklings had been creating. Although helpful in many ways, it was mostly there to help me believe in myself. It also led me to some good reads on business ownership and entrepreneurial work.
Meanwhile, as one workshop finished up, another big mentor in my life advertised a spiritual business class and I felt called to participate in that course as well. Because I signed up, I also got his abundance course at a discounted rate. The abundance that began to occur as a result of the work I was doing for that class can not be understated. I was living as if in a dream and I felt so blessed!
Over my three years out of the classroom I also took workshops on tarot reading, channeling, crystals, and even became level 1 Reiki certified. I attended sound baths, past life regressions, and ancestral trauma healings. I was still looking for the “just right” fit. I started using more learning to combat the fear of starting my own thing. I was enjoying my time taking care of my family and resisting the ego trying to find anything to do to help support my family financially.
The over achiever in me was struggling with not earning and contributing, yet we were always taken care of. This work is a process though. Resisting the urge to take any job or even go back to teaching because it would be easier than doing the work on myself are battles I still fight. Listening to people tell me to “get a job” and “stop acting like a retired person” are hard for me to make peace with. Afterall, the old me would agree with them.
I still have to learn to give myself more grace and remember that all of the work I have been busy doing over the last few years is a big deal. If I truly want to live a life at my own pace and work from home, then I am going to have to trust the process and get rid of old beliefs of success as well as give myself the credit for all I do for my family as being a productive member of society still. Plus, doesn’t my being a kinder person to others I encounter and spreading some cheer in the world count too?
As my guides remind me through my channeled writing all the time, I am loved more than I know just as I am! They also like to remind me about Rome not being built in a day. So as I look back at the last few years and reflect on all of the new skills and lessons I have picked up along the way, I am giving myself the advice I would give to anyone that came to me for help.
I am congratulating myself for all I have learned and how much I’ve grown. I am giving myself space to incorporate all of my new skills in a new way. I am reminding myself that all of the little things have added up to a major new way of life that brings me so much more joy.
Everyday I am one step closer to my next best. I am creating my very own new thing, something that has never been before, a mixture of all of the journeys and learning I have been doing my whole life. I am so excited to see what comes next!