Remember Who You Are

My Dad had a “send off speech” he gave my sisters and I before we went out with friends or for almost anytime we left the house growing up.  He would tell us in his jovial way to go and “Be young, have fun, and remember who you are!”  We would each lovingly assure him as we left our cozy safe home and went off into the world with friends on our various adventures that we would.  

There is some debate about what he meant as we each received his blessing for a fun night out and I’m sure if you asked me or one of my three younger sisters what he meant, you would get a different answer.  Over the years my personal opinion has changed and I think if we were to ask him, over time or even depending on the night, his answer would too.

When I was a teenager, receiving this parting felt like a reminder to be young, as I was often more serious when I was younger and to let loose and have a little fun just as long as I remembered, at the center, I was still me…the good girl.  Then as I got a little older, I started to wonder if the “remember who you are” part wasn’t a reminder that we all shared a last name and to remember that we were reflecting that in our actions as we were out in the world.  Also a likely explanation.

As I have gotten old enough to still enjoy the sentiment and reflect on it with new eyes, I have come to the conclusion that my dad’s fun little valediction was actually not only the key to a happy life, but possibly the entire purpose of our time here on this planet we call Earth.

It wasn’t until I was caught up in living life that I indeed at some point forgot who I was.  I’m sure at some point in your life the same has happened to you.  We become people we may or may not recognize slowly over time.  No one’s fault really, just humans becoming what we think the world expects of us.  We become a bit more serious, we put duty and responsibility ahead of everything else and before you know it…boom, you are a new version of what you expected to find when you became an adult.

Perhaps it has become your responsibility to care for others, perhaps you feel the pressure of being the breadwinner, maybe you lost yourself in the demands of a job, or melding into a relationship that you honestly love but traded pieces of your essence to exist within.  There are a million different reasons we all, at some point, pick up a mask and wear it thinking it is us, but deep down below the surface our soul knows it isn’t.

Hopefully it doesn’t take a midlife crisis, perimenopause, or a burnout episode for you to realize that you have lost yourself somewhere along the way, but for a lot of us that can be where it starts clicking.  Little things that used to satisfy you or that you once had no problem putting up with start to lose their effect.  Before you know it, melancholy, depression, resentment, or even repressed anger can start to become part of your new normal.

This is where life gets interesting.  We have choices we can make as free will is a huge part of the human experience.  Fortunately, that little piece of the lost essence that is you under all the layers is always rooting for You and will oftentimes find ways to try to bring you back to yourself.  Whether or not you listen and lean in or choose to numb out is the choice.  

In my experience, taking some quiet reflective time is helpful, especially outdoors.  Others I know use walks, gym memberships, and even vacations to find some peace and pieces of themselves.  And for some reason, at least in many of the versions I’ve seen play out (including myself), music plays a big part.  Whether that’s a song that comes on and brings you back to a place you have long forgotten or whole seasons where you find yourself listening to a playlist from another era of your life,  music has this ability to instantly pull you back from wherever you have been hiding.  Thus bringing you back to rule number one…be young.

I recently had the divine pleasure of getting to spend a few days away with my most treasured and oldest friend.  Neither of us knew just how badly we needed this little escape, but as soon as she landed for her visit it was like a time capsule had us back to our younger selves and we spent the rest of our time together listening to old CD’s and doing things together we hadn’t gotten to do since the late 90’s.  Just the hint of our younger versions in the air had the most amazing effect on our souls and as we visited with the past versions of ourselves it became quite easy to fall into rule number two…have fun.

We flew kites, played mini golf, sang along to Cindy Lauper, and got temporary tattoos.  We walked on the beach and laughed till our sides hurt.  We got to talk about love, life, and the universe just as we had when we were much younger.  We played and tapped into our inner children.  We had fun for the sake of fun and the more fun we had the more we came back to ourselves.  We watched stress and responsibility roll off our shoulders as we walked each step closer to Re-remembering who we were and fundamentally are.

Now I know we all can’t just take off and hang with our besties whenever, but I repeated the experiment with my husband when he got back from a stressful day at work, and putting on some fun tunes and making time for some old school play seemed to do the trick quite quickly.  Next thing we knew we were eating dinner with the younger versions of ourselves from back when we began dating, laughing and joking all evening.

Then a few days later I did an amusement park day with a friend that was also overwhelmed with life.  Two rides in and bam…back to giggly inner children.  We have plans for another playdate next week.  I have a feeling it will involve building sandcastles and remembering to nurture our inner children.

What if our whole job on this big spinning beautiful rock is simply that…To Remember who we Are!... and what if all it takes to do that is to be young and have fun???  Wouldn’t we feel foolish for ever forgetting the joy in life and the things that deep down make us US.   Guess my Dad was really onto something!