Recalculating

There’s been a strange energy in the air lately, an inability to plan or predict what to do next.  Initially I thought I was the only one feeling it. I wondered if it was something I was supposed to do but hadn’t acted on.  I surmised that I may have taken a turn in the wrong direction but that didn’t feel quite right.  I then tried to blame it on the collective mood of this season on the planet, I must just be tuned into all the anxiety and amped up energy and it was making my system go haywire.  This felt partially true, but it didn’t quite account for all of the strangeness I was feeling.  Perhaps it was a bit of all of it working together?

I soon discovered I was not the only one feeling this strange energy.  My family was also in a place where they seemed a little lost, unsure what to do next and not exactly sure if they were in the right place or not.  The difference with this version of a seemingly ordinary crossroads experience was that there didn’t seem to be any roads to turn on that would get us where we wanted to go.  I finally likened the energy to feeling like a GPS that became disoriented and suddenly stuck in recalculating mode but with no WIFI signal.  A waiting period, if you will, with an unknown end.

We’ve all been through these periods before.  Being stuck in school imagining what the freedom of graduation would feel like.  Going to a job that was never the dream, but was paying the bills and gave you skills you would later need to do a different job you were preparing for.  Renting an apartment that didn’t feel like a permanent place to live, but was still cozy while you started to dream about what that future home would look like.  Even waiting for my kids to be born while thinking about what it would feel like to finally meet them had an energy.  These are the parts of the journey that make life, well life and sometimes they hold the best parts of our lives in them.  Usually, they are just a stopping point along the way while we imagine (create) the next adventure or stage we belong in.

This time, however, there is a strangeness attached to this period of limbo.  An unclarity of next desires or even where you are supposed to “fit into” the world right now.  My family is not the only one experiencing it either.  I have friends and family in the same sort of rut.  Even some of the people I follow online are mentioning this energy.  It’s as if we know we are waiting for something to happen, some sort of catalytic event.  Usually while we are in a holding period we are subconsciously building the next part of our life, like a vision board plotting what it will look like and filling it with our wishes and desires.  This time it’s like we all have some kind of writer's block and we have no idea what to create next.  

I have had this thought in the past that I think applies to this current situation.  When my kids were getting near graduation time people would ask them their least favorite question of all time, “What are your plans for your future?”.  The well meaning elders in their lives usually expect clear answers like “I’m going to college” or “I have this amazing job opportunity”.  But there is a reason young people, especially this newer generation, hate these questions…it is because they have to narrow a whole lifetime of learning and adventures into a sound bite that other people can relate to or understand.  

What they see so clearly that traditionalists especially struggle with is this concept of control and our relationship with it.  They seem to know in some innate way, that the future is uncertain and we can’t count on any of it.  We are in control of nothing, so planning sometimes feels fruitless.  Also, why would anyone want to narrow down the possibilities of life at such an early and adventurous time.

I believe that my own children, with their plethora of talents and interests, are going to create their own life that has yet to be seen.  A combination of all their loves and abilities mashed together into a life that seems impossible to imagine because there are no pictures that have ever existed of it before.  I have even started to believe this for myself.  If I can believe that and have the courage to share that with the people who have been conditioned to want the sound bite because they feel more secure in a world where they need to believe they have control (full disclosure, I used to be one of them), then why can’t I believe that for this unknown future we can’t seem to see.  

We are at the precipice of our world going through its next great adventure, planet Earth seems to be recalculating.  Of course we can’t figure out what path to get on next because we have no idea what those kinds of roads look like, yet.  If we have never seen what is forming on the planet at this magical time in our history, we cannot possibly control, imagine, or even vision board our way into our next best.  We need to all learn to let go of the old beliefs of control, they no longer work or even hold us together anymore. 

If I have faith enough for my children to go forth and create their best lives for themselves without a clear and concise roadmap, then I should definitely be able to trust myself to let go and do the same.  I will even go so far to pull deep from the optimism pool in my soul and believe that you will too!  

It can be scary going forward blind.  Most of us have deeply ingrained fears behind letting go of control and following our hearts and intuition, especially in the moment.  I believe we are at a point on the planet where many are so worn down and tired from all of our “to do” lists that we are just thirsty enough to try it though.  I think we might even be starting to already, because many of us have lost the ability to tap into the future vision, and for some strange reason…that brings me comfort today!